Redundant practices

I received an invitation for a wedding today. A friend’s daughter is getting married .My friend is happy and excited. Planning and preparations have started almost six months back. I have heard almost every detail about the groom and his family. The groom has been brought up by his grandfather ever since he lost his mother at the age of five. The old man is nearing ninety and wants to see his grandson married and settled. The groom has a job with an IT company and has inherited considerable property from his mother’s side. There is no one else in the family. My friend is visibly proud to have found a good match for his daughter.

The invitation card introduces the groom as son of Mr X and late Mrs X. This comes as a surprise to me. My friend had never once spoken of Mr X .The groom’s only guardian and grandfather’s name is not mentioned anywhere in the invite. Mr X exists in paper and his name is mentioned on the invitation card as per existing norms of scripting formal wedding invites   though Mr X does not have any contact with his son for ages. My friend now tells me that though he has not met Mr X he does exist but the groom refuses to acknowledge Mr X as someone legitimate and important in his life. Then why include his name in a formal ceremonial invitation card? My friend looked uncomfortable and tried to justify his decision. Moreover  it was an arranged marriage and society would hold him responsible if anything went amiss .Friends were hardly  bothered yet he felt it  necessary to defend what could be a potential   black mark in an otherwise clean slate.

I remember an incident many many years ago. A lady was asked to fill up an official form where she had to write her Husband/father’s name. The lady was separated and lived alone. She did not use any surname .She completely broke down when the blunt counter clerk insisted that she had to provide necessary details without which they could not process her application.

Then also I had wondered why do we sustain and live with such rigid social norms and customs that only bring unhappiness to individuals.